Posted on: September 1, 2010 9:09 am

Vikings Sign Favre To The Usual .4 Year Contract

The Minnesota Vikings made it official today, inking veteran quarterback Brett Favre to his usual .4 year contract for the 2010 season. The deal is very good for Favre, who will be payed $12 million dollars for only being with the team from September through the end of December.

The contract states that starting in January he is free to revert, as has become customary, from the form of a future hall of fame quarterback to that of your mother playing QB at the holiday touch football game. He also gets to bypass the annoying offseason routine and training camp activities.

"I am very excited about this deal," said Favre at a press conference. "At my age, these unusual .4 year deals are the best. I can come in, play great in the regular season, and then throw some quick picks and send the team and myself home for the offseason. As you all know, for me, the offseason is what I really concentrate on nowadays. Will I come back, who should I text or tweet secret information to, practicing at various high schools. The offseason is what I really love, and with this short contract I can get the most out of it."

Favre has been a rogue gunslinger the past few years, signing a .2 year contract with the New York Jets after being unceremoniously released from Green Bay Packers. He performed great for the length of that contract too, leading the Jets to the best record in the AFC for the first 2 months, before things went to hell once his contracted time was up.

The Vikings remain hopeful that Favre will resign with them once the playoffs start, but it's looking doubtful at this time.

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Posted on: August 16, 2010 8:12 am

Doctor Cuts Off Favre's Hand To Force Retirement

Perhaps the biggest question in the NFL this month is whether or not Brett Favre will return to quarterback the Minnesota Vikings in the upcoming season.

Sports fans across the country have spent the last month being frustrated to death by the constant Favre coverage and have tried everything to get him out of their heads.

Thankfully, the decision has finally been made for Favre as during his meeting with Dr. James Andrews, Favre’s right hand was apparently cut off in some kind of medical accident. The loss of his throwing hand has forced Favre to announce his retirement and he is still trying to figure out how it happened.

“I honestly don’t know how it happened. I don’t actually remember anything from the appointment, just that I woke up in the waiting room with one hand chopped off,” Favre said about the incident.

Favre set up the consultation because his ankle wasn’t healing from the surgery like he anticipated. He used that as the excuse as to why he hadn’t made up his mind yet. However, things were settled for him immediately when he no longer had his throwing hand.

While Favre might not have a clue as to what happened in the consultation, Dr. Andrews was very clear on what happened.

“It wasn’t an accident...I cut it off and couldn’t be more proud. When he came into my office and I looked at his ankle, it was fine. The guy had been faking it so he could pretend he had legitimate reason for not being in camp,” Dr. Andrews said. “He is truly a sociopath. When I saw my opportunity, I put him under and made sure he couldn’t throw a pass ever again.”

It is unclear if Dr. Andrews will be charged with anything for the blatant assault. Regardless, President Obama has come forward and said that he will pardon whatever crimes Andrews is charged with.

“Dr. Andrews has done a great thing for America. Favre has been a pest for everyone and by ending his reign, Andrews has given us an extra 20 minutes for Sports Center to cover real topics,” President Obama proclaimed. “The man is a hero for us all and I will be awarding him the Medal of Honor for his courage.”

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Posted on: September 18, 2008 10:09 am
Edited on: September 18, 2008 10:13 am

Vikings Turn To Raw Developing 37-Year-Old Player

The Minnesota Vikings announced today that Gus Frerotte would take over for Tarvaris Jackson, after the team opened the season 0-2. Frerotte, the highly touted 1994 rookie from Tulsa, was supposed to continue sitting on the bench and learning how to be an NFL quarterback for another year or two. But with the Vikings win-now attitude, they had to bring in the raw player.

"Look, we have to see what this 37-year old kid has got," said head coach Scott Linehan. "Our scouts told us he should probably sit on the bench for 16-17 years before playing, but we think he might be ready after 15. I know it's a gamble, and he's going to make a lot of mistakes out there. But that's just because this is a tough game to transition to from college. You can't learn it in a decade. In fact, Gus has been struggling to pick up the NFL game in two different milenia now, he has got to be ready to finally capitalize on all that promise."

Many pundits are saying it is too early to play Frerotte in his career. They contend that doing so could hurt the psyche of the fragile player, who is now on his 8th NFL team. Many others have tried to bring Frerotte in to start, but then quickly realized he wasn't quite ready yet after a few games, so they returned him to the bench to continue development. "People at his age are all still concerned with trivial things," said ESPN analyst Chris Berman. "They are all into hair loss products, erectile dysfunction pills, and family vacations. They aren't ready to concentrate on football yet. But he's almost there, you just gotta give him some more time. If you put him in there against that fearsome pass rush this week and they get after him, it could shake up his confidence. Then we might not seem him ready to play until he's in his 50's. They have to be careful here."

The team says it has learned its lesson with Tarvaris Jackson. They tried to start him this and last season despite draft analyst Mel Kiper saying, "he plays quarterback about as well as I play the trumpet with my ass. Maybe he will be ready in 100 years." The Vikings tried starting him well before that 100 years had passed, and they paid the price. We will see how the QB move works for them, as they take on the Carolina Panthers this Sunday.

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